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The Third Ongoing Story!

The Story Of Our Strangest Customer!

This Is...

   This section is a tribute to the strange beast known as Gift Card Man. It's been spun off into its own page due to the fact that Tale 13 has been getting larger and larger. Anyway, here's my first encounter with GCM:

Tale 13: Gift Card Man

    Gift Card Man...  Gift Card Man is one of our odder regulars. He buys our store gift cards...for himself. Yes.  He pays with cash for gift cards. For himself. And he uses those gift cards to buy stuff from our store.  Why? I have no idea. Well, yesterday (the day before Valentine's Day), GCM comes into my line buying various things. His total comes to $8.54. I scan his card, which has $8.27 left on it, and I tell him that he still owes 27 cents. He refuses to pay, as he used his gift card. I try explaining it to him several more times. Finally I call my boss, and he also explains to GCM that yes, you actually have to pay the entire required amount of money. He finally complies. But he then continues to stand at my line, holding up customers. He slowly peels off all the price tags on the things he bought and removes the card and hooks from his new hat, and tells me to throw it away. He finally leaves.

   ...

   But then comes back to my line. He's now buying a shiny new gift card with cash. He leaves, after again holding up the line when he's taking all the extra stuff of the card and throwing it on my counter. Then he comes back in my line with dog food. Buys it, takes the sticker off, ad nauseum.  He leaves. Then he comes back in my line with spam. Buys it, hold up line, yadda yadda. Now, he spends an extra five minutes just standing around. Finally, he leaves, and my head explodes.  Tell me why would someone pay cash for a gift card FOR THEMSELVES, and use it to pay for stuff, when it works EXACTLY THE SAME AS CASH!? *sob* 

   ...

    That was how it started. However, more of his exploits have been recorded in the following updates. It just won't end...

5-19-03 Update: Gift Card Man is still around. Some of us have now taken to putting his stickers back on his bag when he's not looking. It confuses the hell out of him. He's also become somewhat of a legend in the store. We all share our GCM stories to the new people. He's become an initiation rite now. We pass GCM off to the newest person working in order to make them a part of the big happy co-worker family. Ah, fun.

6-17-03 Update: Now the customers are getting mad at him. He was holding up the line, taking the stickers off of his stuff. A guy behind him yelled, "C’mon buddy! Take the stickers off somewhere else! Why the hell are you taking the stickers off anyway?! There’s a line forming here!" He said all the things that I want to every time he comes into my line. GCM’s reply: "..."   Hrm. If I keep adding to this, I’ll have to give him his own section. Hey, that's not a bad idea...

11-13-03 Update: GCM is on the move! Another cashier and I have run into him at a K-Mart. He's also been terrorizing a Holland Oil station. He reportedly stops there everyday to use their bathroom. He also wanders around for about half an hour to buy a Little Debbie snack cake. He also tries to take all of their coffee creamers. Here at the store, he said he was getting a card for his girlfriend. Ok, but the card said something to the likes of, "I love you, Mother." I'm not going to touch that one.

1-22-04 Update: *Sigh* It just gets worse. He recently came in to another cashier's line and asked her how much a gift card was. Mind you, not only has he been buying them for years, they're also the type of gift card that is worth however much you want to put on it. The cashier points out the latter. He replies,"ok, but how much is it?" After that, he goes to another line as he usually does. But then he blows his nose into a kleenex and tries to hand it to another cashier so they can throw it away. While I'm working in the toy aisle, he comes over to me and asks me how much snow that I think we'll get that night. I tell him that I don't know. He proceeds to stare at me for a solid minute, and then asks me again. I tell him the same answer. Then he stares and asks the question AGAIN. This time I just ignore him. He keeps staring for a couple more minutes, then wanders off.

     The next night, he comes up to my register and hands me $1.75 in change. He tells me that he wants two dollars. I tell him that I can't do that with only $1.75. He gives me the strange stare/grin like in the logo. He asks why, and I tell him that he has to give two dollars to get two dollars. He then fishes around and gives me $2.35. I give him two dollar bills, and the 35 cents. He asks what the change is for, and I tell him that he gave me too much. He contemplates this for a minute, then hands me five dollar bills and asks for a ten. I glare at another cashier who is laughing at the situation, and then explain that I can't do that since he only gave me $5. I hand him a $5 bill, and he laughs and gives me the stare-grin. Then he leaves and I weep, losing my sanity.

4-18-04 Update: Gift Card Man came in one day and asked a cashier if he could use the phone at the register. We're not supposed to let customers use it, but the cashier let him since it was slow. GCM told him to dial for him. He hands him a number and tells him to ask for Jerry, his girlfriend. He dials, and an old woman answers. He asks for Jerry, and the woman tells him that no one by that name lives there. The cashier relays this to GCM, who starts to spaz out and starts calling him and the old lady a liar. He goes out to the lobby and uses the payphone to call the lady. He gets the same response. He continues to call and harass this old woman for about ten minutes...

Another day, I get a warning from an off-shift coworker who came in, telling me that Gift Card Man was on his way in. Crap. He comes up to my register. I ring up his stuff and, as per the course, he tells me to remove the price stickers. I tell him no, so he gets to work. He rips a huge hole in his package of Depends while removing the sticker. After a few more orders, he heads towards the exit and starts to hit on one of the older cashiers. He then notices that, *gasp*, there's a hole in his package. He starts yelling to the cashier that someone put a hole in his package and that he needs to return it. The cashier sends him back to the courtesy desk, and I just laugh to myself.

11-2-04 Update: With the help of Lokian, who now works in our customer service desk, we've been able to discover Gift Card Man's routine: I have discovered the infamous lover of gift cards' cycle of terror. He first comes to the customer service window, exchanging every possible small bill combination for larger bills. This takes approx. 5-10 minutes. He then goes to the front, buying the gift card with large bills, then proceeds to take items from the store, and pay for them with the gift card he just bought. Sounds insane, I know, but it gets better! He then returns to the customer service window, and returns.....every time ....a mysterious box of dog biscuits. Why he does this each time he enters the store is unknown, but when I told him he needed to sign the refund slip and put a reason down, he responded "I don't have my ID!" I calmly explained I do not need his ID, I just need him to sign. After repeating himself several times, and then I, repeating my explaination, he complies, and signs his name twice, once on the customer signature spot, and once on the "reason for return" line. Dare I say....he is illiterate? I blame the schools, really.