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Tale 46: BUT WHERE IS IT!? HULK SMASH!
This happened a few months ago, but it's still pretty fresh in my mind. I was at a register and I saw a whole family of stereotypical redneck buttertrolls stroll into the video racks. The mother waddled up to the photo counter, holding up a rental box for Finding Nemo and asked the cashier, "D'yall have this movie?" The cashier told her that we do, since you have to turn that box in in order to get the video (like Blockbuster). "Well how'm ah supposed to know that?"
They mull around in the videos for a bit more, then slam a stack of boxes onto the photo counter. The cashier tells her that they have to go back to cosmetics to rent the videos. The dad loudly says, "why can't we just get them up here!?" The cashier tells him that she doesn't have any videos up front and that they are all at cosmetics. "But where is cosmetics?" The cashier points to the neon sign and tells him how to get there. "BUT WHERE THE FUCK IS IT!? THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!" The cashier again points to the sign and somehow manages to give even more detailed instructions on how to get to a place only a few aisles away. They waddle off, then return, complaining about how they need a membership to rent movies. "I don't have a fucking driver's liscense! How'm I supposed to get a damn account!?" Despite not having a liscense, they all pile into a beat-up pickup truck and drive off into the night.
Tale 47: Miscellaneous Stuffage
Here's some more short stories that are just too short for their own good.
Crazy People An odd woman and what looked like an old hobo came up to my register. The lady said to me, "how ya doin', half-brother?" Mind you, I have no idea who this woman is, I'm an only child, and she's also old enough to be my mom. I ignore her, and get the cigarettes that the hoboman wanted. He proceeds to pay entirely in pennies, nickels, and dimes. The woman turns to me and says, "what's wrong? You don't look like you're full." Then they left. Oookay.
Coupon lady A lady came to my line with four bottles of shampoo. I rang them up and gave her the price. She says that there's a sign that says that they're such and such price with a coupon. I ask her if she has the coupon, and she says no. She then asks if she can have it for that price even though she doesn't have the coupon. I explain that she can't, since the store would be taking a loss since we get refunded for coupons. She then storms out the door, telling me that other stores let her do it.
Teryton 120 Bus Guy I have a regular that always comes to my line in a hurry since he takes the bus. Every time, he asks for Terton 120 cigarettes. Well, one fateful day, he comes up and asks for them, and...ONOES! We're out of them! I tell him this, and he starts spazzing out. "What do you mean you're out!? You can't be out! You guys always have them! Hurry up and find them before my bus leaves!" I explain to him that it's not a fast-moving brand, so we only order so much in a given time, so, yes, we do run out from time to time. He runs out the door, telling me that he has to catch his bus and that he'll never buy from us again. A few days later, he shows up at my register...
Tale 48: Miscellaneous Photo Stuffage
Panorama Lady Hmm, I seem to be naming a lot of my customers, aren't I? Anyway, I had a woman come up to my register and ask if we carried any panoramic film. I tell her that we don't. She then asks if we carry any panoramic disposeable cameras. I tell her that we don't, and that we haven't had any panoramic film since I started working there. She then points to some Kodak film and asks if it's panoramic. I tell her again, that it's not, and that we don't have any. She asks me if any of our 35mm film is panoramic. I explain it to her again and she finally gets the hint and leaves.
I suck at taking pictures! Gimme money! A man came up and asked for his photos. I give them to him, and he pays for them. He goes to the end of the counter and starts looking at them. He then calls me over and asks for his money back since we "messed his pictures up." I look at the pictures, and there are quite a few with fingers in the shot. I tell this to him, and he says that his five-year-old son took the pictures. I explain that that's why the pictures are messed up. He says that his son is smart, and that we messed up his film. He then tells me that a picture is really dark and that he took it during the day. I look at the picture. It's a truck, and the picture was obviously taken at night. You could see streetlights. Hell, the MOON was in the picture. I point this out, and he asks me if I think he's stupid and that he's a very good photographer. He demands to see a manager. I call one up, and hey, it's Jackass! In true Jackass form, he refunds the guy's money without question. Fucker.
I'm only 30 minutes late! It's 9:30, and our one-hour photo machine is shut down for the night. A woman comes up and asks if she can get a roll of film done by tonight. I tell her that our photo is closed for the night and that it closed at 9. She then tells me, " But I'm only a little bit late! Oh my god, why can't you do it?" I tell her that it closes at 9 every night, and that even if I did do it, it wouldn't be done before the store closed. She then leaves, wondering why a half-hour isn't a little bit. BUT OFFICER! I WAS ONLY SPEEDING A LITTLE BIT! CAN'T YOU LET ME GO!? Jesus...
Tale 49: That's Misleading!
One night I had a hispanic woman who could speak little English (NOT RACIST) come to my line with some cards. I ring them up and she pays for them. She then tells me that they were supposed to be 50% off (because, as we all know, you should only point out mistakes after you've paid). I ask her why she thought this, and she tells me that there was a sign. I follow her to the card department, and she points to a sign that says, " All cards have savings up to 50% off" I explain to her that yes, the cards are discounted, but not all are half off. I show her a chart near the sign that shows how much you get off depending on the MSRP of the card. She tells me that she is confused and has me call a manager up.
I call Jackass up, and she shows him the sign. He tells her the exact same thing that I did. She then starts saying that the sign is misleading and that we're purposely tricking customers into paying higher prices. She then goes into a tirade that she could get the cards cheaper at Walgreens and tells us we should take the sign down. Then she takes her cards, threatens to sue us for false advertising (even though it was Ambassador Cards' sign), and leaves.
Tale 50: Manager Says: Rules Should Always be Followed...Unless I Circumvent Them
Now with 100% more Bea Arthur
We all know about those instructions on coupons that cashiers (and customers) are supposed to follow. Well, our bosses want us to follow those rules so we don't lose money. Apparently that doesn't always matter... One day, an old woman comes to my register with six boxes of Mr. Clean Magic Erasers. I ring them up, and she hands me six coupons. I look at them and point out to her that the coupons say "Limit ONE coupon per purchase."
She then tells me that since she has six items, she's making six separate purchases. I explain that she's making ONE purchase with six items in it. She then pulls out the classic comeback, " Well it worked at all the other stores!" I stand my ground, and she finally decides to buy just one eraser. I try to take off the other five, but I need a manager to do so. Shit. I call my boss up, and the lady tells him, "this mean guy won't take my coupons! I want to use them all!" The boss looks at the coupons, and I point out the limit, and he agrees with me, but then he lets her use the coupons anyway.
She gives me this shit-eating grin as she pays $3 for a $11 order. On the way out, she tells me that I should be ashamed for trying to rip off a little old lady. Hey! Thanks boss for ignoring the rules that you bust our asses for if we don't follow them ourselves! Oh, and for making us look like idiots!
