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Tale 51: Another Story About Crotchety Old People

     One night, I get back from my break to find Jackass at my register, talking to an old woman. He tells me that I should hurry up and get her roll of film done and to keep my register closed so I'd be sure it was done. He turns my light off and leaves. I put her film in the photo machine to process the negatives, and she asks me how much longer it's going to take. I tell her that since it's one-hour photo, it could take up to an hour (gasp!). She then lets out a loud, annoyed sigh and tells me a thinly veiled threat that, "you know, that manages goes to my church." Unimpressed, I tell her, "okay" and start filling cigarettes.

     I then take her negatives and put them in the machine so the pictures are printed. She looks at her watch, crosses her arms, and lets out another sigh. I notice that it's starting to get really busy, so I open my register and turn on my light to help out. I should note here that the old lady is standing right in front of my register. Some customers come over, but she refuses to move. Jackass then comes up and switches off my light and tells me to "stay closed so you can get her film done." While Jackass was up there, he tells one of the cashiers to stay until 9:30, even though she's already staying later than she's supposed to. Naturally, she complains, as she has dinner waiting and that there's enough cashiers for the night. His reasoning, by the way, was so I'd have enough time to refill the chemicals for the photo machine, despite the fact that I always get it done on time. Well, the old bitch hears her complaining, lets out another sigh and tells me that she should just shut up and not question her boss. I roll my eyes and go back to working on the film.

     A customer that he above cashier helped decides to go back to see if we had something we needed. Since security wasn't working that night, she tells me to call Jackass and tell him to keep an eye on him. I call, and the lady says under her breath, "Jesus Christ! He's not going to steal anything from this store! He's too stupid!" I pick up her finished film, and begin to count the pictures and price them. I ring them up, and she tells me that "Jackass said they wouldn't cost so much. They should only be $4.99!" I tell her that that's the price for single prints, and that she marked that she wanted doubles. She reluctantly pays. She then tells me, "I honestly don't know why I keep coming here. You're overpriced, and everyone here is rude!" She then leaves. No, she wasn't rude at all.

Tale 52: Sign? What Sign?

     One Sunday, I had my register closed as I had bout six rolls of film to do. My light was off, and I had a sign sitting on my counter. While over at the photo machine, I saw a guy with a basket approach my register. He saw the closed sign, and began to look around. He slowly pushed the sign over, and pushed it onto the floor. He then slams his basket down on the counter and asks me if my register is open. I ask him, "what did that sign say?" He gives a puzzled look and asks, "what sign?" "The sign that you pushed onto the floor, sir." He looks embarassed and decided to go to another line.

Tale 53: Hurr! I'm A Locksmith! I Know More Than You Do!

     One evening, a couple came to me and asked if they could have a key made. I tell them to wait down at the key machine, and I will call for a stockperson to make their key. The woman tells me that she doesn't want to wait, and they both leave. About an hour later, they return, telling me that the people at Sears were incompetant and didn't know how to make a key. I again tell them to wait at the key machine, and I call a stockperson to help them.

     The stock guy shows up, and takes their key. He goes to get the proper blank, but the man tells him to use a different one instead. The stockperson tells him that the blank is too short, and won't line up on the key-cutter. The man then tells him, "look, I'm a locksmith in my spare time. I use little metal things to pick locks. I think I know what I'm doing." The stockperson sighs and uses the blank he chose. Sure enough, the key doesn't align with it. They tell the stock guy to leave, and the woman approaches me. She tells me to "call a different person to the machine. Someone who knows how to cut keys." I call someone up, but the other stockguy shows up again. The man tells him to use the same blank again, despite the stockguy's protest. Again, it doesn't work. The woman then tells him to call our corporate office and have them send a new key-cutter ASAP. The stockguy tells her that he can't do that, and there's nothing wrong with the machine anyway. The couple decides to leave, but not before telling me that they'll "write a letter to our corporate office and tell them to send us a new machine, because EVERYONE complains about it." Hmm. If the guy was a locksmith, why didn't he cut his own damn key?

Tale 54: But I Want To Use The Coupon NOW!

     One slow Wednesday night, an older man came to my line with a basket of items. I start ringing up his stuff, and get to a package of shoe insoles. The man tells me that he wants to use the coupon inside of the package. I tell him that I can't do that since it's inside the package and is meant to be used on the next purchase. "Well, I think you're wrong about that. The other day, the woman who's here let me do that," he tells me. I tell him that she isn't supposed to do that, as we really aren't supposed to open the packages. He tells me, "well, I'm not going to pay full price for them!" I take them off of his bill and set them aside. Then the ranting commences. "You know, I shop here all the damn time and get all of my prescriptions filled here! This is the first goddamned time I've ever been screwed out of a dollar!" He pays for his stuff, and leaves.

     He returns a few minutes later with his receipt. He slams it on my counter and tells me that I charged him twice for the insoles. I show him that I indeed rang it up, but then took it off the bill, pointing out the "minus" sign. He doesn't believe me, so I grab my calculator to show him that he was not overcharged. "Well, I still want the insoles!" he tells me as he heads towards the medicine aisle. He returns with an opened box of insoles and I ring it up. He hands me a coupon. I tell him that I can't accept it as he opened the box and I again point out that it's meant to be used on the next purchase. "Well where the hell does it say that!?" I point to a spot on the box that reads, "Save a dollar on your next purchase!" He decides to leave, telling me, "well what the hell good would that do me? I don't buy these things every day!"

Tale 55: We Love to Hire Shoplifters! Part One!

    One night, I was training a new cashier, and her first customer comes up. The woman asks us if we are hiring. I tell her that we are, and she pays for her stuff and goes back to the customer service desk to get an application. About twenty minutes later, we see her being escorted out of the store in handcuffs by the police all the while muttering, " I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Turns out she tried to steal some cold pills, and nail clippers. Outside, the cops searched her and found some marijuana in her posession, thus upping her charges. Yes, ma'am, we love to hire shoplifters!