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Tale 56: We Love to Hire Shoplifters! Part Two

     Oh. Well, it looks like my sarcastic end to the last tale ended up being true. We recently fired two of our cashiers for shoplifting. The first had stolen either money or cigarettes (I'm not sure which). She was called to the back of the store and shown the security tapes. She was fired and escorted out of the store. A few weeks later, another cashier was fired for stealing anti-histamine tabs for the purpose of making meth. She too was fired and escorted out of the store; this time by police. A detective was dispatched to her house and she was arrested, presumably for running a meth lab. So, uh, yes, we DO hire shoplifters.

Tale 57: Wine Thief

     One Saturday night, a teenager thought it would be wise to steal some wine from our store. He grabbed a few bottles and ran for the door. Unfortunately for him, one of our cashiers was feeling ambitious. She ran towards him and tripped him. The kid ended up dropping the wine, and smashed his face into our door so hard that it broke and couldn't close anymore. Dazed and defeated, he ran out the door, being pursued by our security guy and our pharmacist. I really wish I had worked that day.

Tale 58: Dear God, I Must Have My Cigarettes NOW!

     Remember the guy who smoked Tareyton cigarettes from Tale 47? No, you probably don't and you're going back to read it. Anyway, this guy is likely the only person that we sell Tareyton cigarettes to. It is important to note that that particular brand is only at my register. If a customer at another register wants them, the cashier just goes and gets them. Simple. Well, one night, it's 9:00 and my register is closed so I can fill the chemicals for the photo machine and empty the waste jugs, spray the rollers in the machine, add the totals for photo, and sweep the lobby and registers. This generally takes the whole last hour the store is open. My light is off, and my closed sign is up. I'm hunched over, screwing the caps on the jugs so I can put them in a cart when I hear, "Hey! Gimme a pack of smokes!" Without turning, I tell him that my register is closed.

Taryton Guy: "But I need a pack of cigarettes!"

Me: "Registers 2 & 3 have cigarettes."

TG: "But the kind I want is over here!"

Me: "Well, they can get them for you. This register is closed."

TG: "So FUCKING what? Just get me my damn cigarettes."

Me: "Sir, registers 2 & 3 are open. They don't have any customers. They can get you your cigarettes."

He continues rambling at me while I load the cart and head to the back of the store where the photochemicals are.

     Another night, he comes in at 9:10 and goes to my register. My cart is already loaded, so I just go to the back of the store with him glaring at me before he yells, "Where ya goin'!?" The night after that, I'm sweeping the lobby, and I see him at my register, staring at me. I continue sweeping, and he yells, "Are you going to get me my cigarettes?" Again, I continue sweeping. One of the new cashiers goes to help him, but he can't find the cigarettes. The guy yells, "Well of COURSE you can't find them! Only ONE DAMN GUY IN THIS STORE KNOWS WHERE THEY ARE, AND HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO HAVE THEM!" Another cashier looks for the cigarettes, and it turns out that we're out of them. The guy storms off, and I haven't seen him since.

Tale 59: Obey Me, For I Am Old!

     One night near closing time, an old man pushed his cart up to my register. He then tells me, "I'm going to use your phone, okay?" I tell him that customers aren't allowed to use that phone, but that there's a payphone in the lobby. "I don't want to use that there pay phone! I'm already paying for my groceries!" I again tell him that customers can't use our phone and that I could get in trouble if I let him use it. "Well, how about you call them and I'll tell you what to say." I reply, "I can only make outside calls if they're business related." He finally gets angry and yells, "well fine! I'll just use my fucking cell phone, then!" Oh, those funny little old people.