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Tale 31: The Paper Lady
We have our back to school aisle up. We have a special on spiral notebooks for 19 cents. We also have a 200 pack of notebook paper for $1. We have signs clearly saying which is which. A lady comes into another cashier's line with about 50 packs of the 200 sheet notebook paper. She rings it up, and it comes up to over $50. After shitting herself in shock, the lady keeps telling her that "The paper's only 19 cents! There's a sign and everything! I'm not the only one who's buying this paper! I know that this must be ringing up wrong." The cashier and the lady go over to the seasonal aisle to investigate the sign. The sign that the lady is pointing out says, "SPIRAL NOTEBOOKS! Special! 19 Cents!"
The lady says, "See! 19 cents!" Julie explains that the paper she wants aren't spiral notebooks, since, y'know, they're not bound and come in shrink wrap. Doesn't sound like any notebook I've seen. The lady is now desperate. She says, "Well how come the sign is over the box with the paper I grabbed!?" Julie says that the sign is on the shelf with the notebooks. As is the case for all signs and shelf tags in this store and every other one on the planet. The lady continues to go on about how the sign is misleading and they shouldn't have two similar items close to each other, and how we should have either both on sale or none at all. She gets fed up, the order is voided, and she leaves.
Tale 32: But I Want THIS Register! Wah!
It's a slow night, so I'm assigned to do some stock stuff. I had one customer in the last 10 minutes. The only other customer I see is an old lady in the front aisle, clear down by cosmetics. Two other registers are open, also without customers. Since I have to do stock and only two registers have to be open at a time, I turn off my light and leave my register. The lady is halfway down the aisle at this point, looking at something on one of the endcaps. I'm filling the reshop cart with returns as she gets to my register.
She sees the light off & the closed sign. She then turns to me & yells, "Why the hell did you just leave!? Didn't you see me? That's not treating a customer right!" Never mind that the other registers have no customers and are only a few feet away...
Tale 33: Send Out The Search Party!
An old guy comes up to my register with a metal two-way outdoor hose connector. I ring it up, and it's $2.99. He says that it's supposed to be $1.49. I offer to have stock go and look, bet he goes off to check for himself. 10 minutes after waiting for the guy and telling the customers that I can't help them, I get fed up and look for the guy. He's not in the seasonal aisle where the thing is, so I head to hardware to see if he's there. Nope. Then plumbing. Nada. Then I see him asking the boss where they are. He takes the guy to the seasonal aisle. He asks the boss how much they are. He says that they're $2.99. The old guy points below to a $1.49 sign for the plastic ones. We point out that the price isn't for the metal ones. He tells me that he'll take the metal one after all and hands it to me. I go back to my register, but he just walks out the door. Crazy old man.
Tale 34: RAARGH! YOU'RE AN IDIOT! RAARGH!
A guy comes up with a belt and a 4-pack of Energizer Max batteries that cost $2.50. He asks me how good the batteries are supposed to be. I tell him that they should be good for digital cameras and the like. He asks how well they'd work for walkie-talkies. I tell him that they should work pretty well. He asks if they're supposed to be the best batteries. I say, "Yeah, they should...""You don't know," he interrupts. "Pardon?""Shut up. You don't know, do ya, idiot.""Oookay." I ring up his stuff an dhe pays. I give him the receipt, and he asks, "Why is it so damn much? How much were the batteries?" I tell him that they're two for $5. "NO! They're supposed to be $2.50 each!" I kindly explain that $2.50 is the same as two for $5.
"Well why is this tie $12? I got it from a $6 tie rack!"I go have stock check it out, and, sure enough, it is supposed to be $6. I tell him that he'd have to go back to the courtesy desk to get his money back, as I can't do it myself at my register. He flips out yelling, and asks, "Would YOU walk ALL THE WAY TO THE BACK OF THE STORE to get YOUR money back?!" I reply,"for $6? Yeah, I would." Especially since it's not that far away. "You would, eh? Well I wouldn't. Not for a lousy six bucks." He then has me call my boss up so he can get his money back. Yes, the money he just said he didn't want to go back and get. So I call my boss up, and it takes him longer to get to my register than it would have taken the guy to go back and get his money. My boss gives him his money, and the guy basically calls us idiots for something that is the computer's fault and for following company policy. He leaves, successfully being the first customer to piss me off for being a complete asshole.
Tale 35: Thief Thief Thief!
Our store has had its share of random thieves. For example, a kid was busted for stealing a box of markers...right after he bought about $10 worth of candy. And he still had enough money to buy the markers. If you're going to steal something, at least make it worth the effort. Another lady was busted for stealing a pack of tube socks and a cheap bottle of perfume. I believe I've told you the story of the baby formula thief. A woman who comes in the store every now and then has been busted repeatedly for shoplifting. Once, while asking her for her drivers license so she could pay by check, she said, "That's okay. You don't need it. They know me here." I just chuckled to myself. Her boyfriend once got in a fight with our security guy, bashing him in the head with a 6-pack of beer. The security guy still won't tell me what he did to the guy that sent him to the hospital for stitches in his head before he was arrested. Her son also once worked for the store, and used the opportunity to steal repeatedly. Needless to say he was fired and arrested. And not too long ago, a guy who was busted for stealing a money clip and a $6 pair of sunglasses asked why he couldn't keep the items he stole. *sigh*
10-8-03 Update: Well, it turns out that stealing is now considered a family activity. Our security guy caught a lady shoplifting some pipe tobacco, a few address books and a hat. The funny (sad?) thing is that she had her son with her and convinced him to try to steal two of those Beyblade tops. "Come on son. Let's spend some quality time together shoplifting."
